Mel Gibson, currently coming under much criticism due to racist and sexist outbursts recorded by his estranged ex-girlfriend and mother of his daughter, Oskana Grigorieva, today called a press conference outlining his plans to live on the moon.
"This African-American, Jewish and homosexual conspiracy against me has gone far enough," snapped the Mad Max star. "I never said any of it, the things I'm accused of. Listen to the tape - it's clearly George Clooney." Refusing to answer any questions, Gibson read from a prepared statement.
"As it seems my character is being constantly disparaged by the press - as though none of them have ever driven while drunk and insulted police officers - I have been left with no choice but to live on the moon." Gibson then explained that the financial success of "The Passion of the Christ" had enabled him to construct a rocket, based on the original Apollo mission craft, Saturn V.
"It's a one shot thing, so obviously I have no margin for error," he continued, saying that, "my moon base isn't yet complete - the workers haven't finished it, the goddamn wetback sons of bitches - so I'll have to live in the lunar module for two years." Making eye contact with the assembled journalists for the first time, Gibson quipped, "I hope I don't go crazy up there!"
Gibson plans to leave Earth for the moon, "within a fucking fortnight," and left the press conference in a car the same shape as the space shuttle.