"Whole world against me, so I'm leaving!" blasts Gibson

Written by The Jonner

Monday, 12 July 2010

Mel Gibson, currently coming under much criticism due to racist and sexist outbursts recorded by his estranged ex-girlfriend and mother of his daughter, Oskana Grigorieva, today called a press conference outlining his plans to live on the moon.

"This African-American, Jewish and homosexual conspiracy against me has gone far enough," snapped the Mad Max star. "I never said any of it, the things I'm accused of. Listen to the tape - it's clearly George Clooney." Refusing to answer any questions, Gibson read from a prepared statement.

"As it seems my character is being constantly disparaged by the press - as though none of them have ever driven while drunk and insulted police officers - I have been left with no choice but to live on the moon." Gibson then explained that the financial success of "The Passion of the Christ" had enabled him to construct a rocket, based on the original Apollo mission craft, Saturn V.

"It's a one shot thing, so obviously I have no margin for error," he continued, saying that, "my moon base isn't yet complete - the workers haven't finished it, the goddamn wetback sons of bitches - so I'll have to live in the lunar module for two years." Making eye contact with the assembled journalists for the first time, Gibson quipped, "I hope I don't go crazy up there!"

Gibson plans to leave Earth for the moon, "within a fucking fortnight," and left the press conference in a car the same shape as the space shuttle.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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