John Mayer Defending Anita Baker's Horrendous Rendition of The National Anthem is Like Hirohito Defending Hitler's Nazism

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 14 June 2010

image for John Mayer Defending Anita Baker's Horrendous Rendition of The National Anthem is Like Hirohito Defending Hitler's Nazism
Anita Baker's backup band, The Unemployed Bros of Hoboken.

POLOKWANE, South Africa - John Mayer flew to South Africa to watch the World Cup game between Algeria and Slovenia at Polokwane's Laughing Hyena Stadium.

Mayer said that he has been a fan of the Algerian team for the past two years ever since he started dating Evelyn Mansouri (38-22-36) the sister of one of the Algerian players Yasid Mansouri.

John was asked how he liked South Africa. He said that it was great except for the fact that he found a swarm of African killer bees underneath the bed in his hotel room.

He raised his eyebrows and said that luckily the hotel manager brought in an anteater who managed to eat every single bee within 25 minutes.

Mayer told the hotel manager that he did not know that anteaters also eat bees. He was told that they usually don't but that this particular one has been chained up in the hotel's laundry room for five days without any type of food.

He said that this way when they put it in a room with African killer bees the starving anteater will eat up every single bee in record time.

The hotel manager, who did not want his named mentioned since he owes about $3,000 back child support, said that they also use the anteater to remove pesky possums, owls, bats, and water moccasin snakes.

After the bees were removed from his room Mayer was interviewed by a reporter for Strolling Stone Magazine, which is South Africa's equivalent to Rolling Stone Magazine.

He was asked what he thought about Anita Baker's rendition of the Star Spangled Banner during the fourth game of the NBA Finals in Boston.

Mayer said that just about everyone had criticized her and said that it was the worst rendition of the National Anthem that anyone had ever heard.

John said that he disagreed with everyone on that. He said that Anita really did a great job of singing a song that is one of the most difficult songs to sing.

He said that it is even harder to sing than Bette Midler's "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy."

Mayer was asked if he wasn't just defending Miss Baker, who happens to be black, because of the hellacious mess he found himself in back in February when he had made his infamous "N" word rant at a concert at The Hurricane Watchers Arena in Pascagoula, Mississippi.

John said that his spewing of the "N" word had nothing to do with defending Miss Baker at all. He then said that he remembers seeing on the Internet an article that stated that the author of the Stars Spangled Banner, Francis Scott Key himself, had a very hard time singing the song.

John was asked what he thought about coming in fifth in the 2010 Douche Bag of The Year contest. He said that he was surprised that he did not come in first.

Mayer said that there was a four-way tie for first place between John Edwards, Kanye West, John Gosselin, and Chris Brown. He said that the only reason he came in fifth was because the rules and regulations do not allow for a five-way tie.

SIDENOTE: A survey was taken of over 7,000 professional writers who write for People, Sports Illustrated, Newsweek, Better Homes and Gardens, and TV Guide, and 6,991 agreed that John "The Pitchy Dawg" Mayer defending Anita Baker's rendition of the National Anthem was just like Emperor Hirohito defending Fuhrer Adolf Hitler's stance on Nazism.

Slovenia defeated Algeria 1-0. The Algerian coach Raba Saadane, 64, blamed the loss on the damn vuvuzelas. He said that his team could not hear his expert instructions during the game.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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