Bong-Sucking Newcomer Replaces Talentless Meathole in Transformers 3

Written by anthonyrosania

Sunday, 30 May 2010

image for Bong-Sucking Newcomer Replaces Talentless Meathole in Transformers 3
"Wha...? Be in what movie? Transponders Free?"

Megan Fox's Transformers 3 character, Jennifers Body, will be replaced by pompously named Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, a 23-year-old Brit who gets her aristocratic-sounding name from her great-great-grandfather, Sir Herbert Huntington-Whiteley, 1st Earl of Dicksnot, or some such nonsense. She was discovered in high school, where she was reportedly voted "Person Most Likely to become an anorexic Clotheshanger" and has since modeled for Abercrombie & Fitch, DKNY, Ralph Lauren, Top Shop, Burberry's, Victoria's Secret and who-gives-a-fat-f'ing-load dot com.

Self-involved director Michael Bay and hot-but-creepy actress Megan Fox have different reasons as to why the nearly talentless "actress" will not be joining the Transformers 3 cast.

Reports claim that Fox and Bay had a 'falling out' over the summer, largely because of what she said about her Transformers 1 and 2 boss:

"He's like Napoleon and he wants to create this insane, infamous mad-man reputation. He wants to be like Hitler on his sets, and he is. So he's a nightmare to work for... I kind of really enjoy his personality because he's so awkward, so hopelessly awkward. He has no social skills at all. And it's endearing to watch him."

Fox's comments were cut off when she was distracted by something shiny.

Later that month, certain co-workers of Fox's (we know it was you, John Turturro) wrote an open letter to Megan, calling her

* Dumb-as-a-rock
* Ms. Sour Pants
* Grump of the set who "has a paragraph tattooed to her backside (probably due her rotten childhood).
* Ungracious, Ms. Princess who secretly maimes little babies by throwing them head-first into alligator mouths. (OK, I made up the "ungracious" part.)

The open letter ends as follows: "Hopefully Michael will have Megatron squish her character in the first ten minutes of Transformers 3. Megan Fox's boyfriend, former actress Brian Austin Green, stated that he would personally pay to have that scene filmed.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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