HOLLYWOOD - Crystal Bowersox, the blonde dreadlocked runner up on this season's edition of American Idol revealed that she lost the AI finale and her boyfriend literally within hours of each other.
Bowersox said that her boyfriend Tony broke up with her a couple of hours before the finale went on the air. She said that Tony is just a small town boy and the lights, sights, and heights of Hollywood made him uneasy.
Crystal said that Tony, who liked to wear pajama bottoms while out and about, felt about as out of place as a bunny rabbit at a wild wolf convention.
She pointed out that he was about as sabe in the world of Hollywood glam and glitter as Kelli Pickler was about a White House Heads of State Five Course Dinner.
Mamasox, as the judges called her, went on to state that Tony even had no idea what escargot, sushi, tofu, or even guacamole are. Just a few weeks ago he finally had his very first fortune cookie.
Crystal says that prophetically his message read: You no belong here. You pack and you go back to Ohio real damn soon okey dokey.
So Tony packed his Converse high top tennis shoes, his Chicago Bears football jersey, and his Cincinnati Reds baseball cap and got on the Greyhound bus back to Ohio.
Crystal will go on the American Idol summer tour of 158 cities and then she will become the next Janis Joplin, but only better, without drugs, and without low self esteem.
She was asked if the rumors about her and Lee DeWyze possibly becoming an item are true. Crystal blushed and said that she is still trying to get over her break up with Tony and she has not had any time to think about the hot torrid love affair that she and Lee have been secretly carrying on for the past four weeks.
In other news. The American destroyer the USS Elvis Presley, which was headed from Corpus Christi, Texas to Pensacola, Florida will have to be diverted to Mobile, Alabama, where it will undergo a thorough cleaning since 30 percent of it is completely covered with Gulf of Mexico Tar Balls.
