Written by KendoMonkey

Thursday, 27 May 2010

image for Girls Aloud split; Cheryl Cole to join Black Eyed Peas
Cheryl Cole, voted Britain's sexiest dwarf

All-girls group Girls Aloud have today announced they have decided to go their separate ways. In what has been described in various media outlets as a "break up", the band members are said to be each branching out to pursue their own various interests.

Cheryl Cole, voted Britain's sexiest dwarf, is all set to join the Black Eyed Peas - a move that could see her replace Fergie as their primary eye-candy. Recent collaboration with Will.i.am has reportedly given Cole the sexy boost she needed to finalise her plans to split from Girls Aloud and fulfil her dreams of becoming a world renowned celebrity.

The other members of the group are said to be devastated. Australian pop-idol Natalie Imbruglia commented:

"I have a few friends who are girls and I know that if this happened to them they'd be devastated."

Many British people are also set to be affected by the fall-out of the split. Some are predicting that the group will re-form in 2015, perhaps initially as a one-off special to mark the death of the Queen, or something like that.


So: how does this affect the music world? Well, in real terms I think it will mean creating a much less divisive music world in which Bono and Cher will be seen to be less influential in world politics. Cole will no doubt do well as the pretty but plain girl, trying to make it in an America which has Paris Hilton set as the very pinnacle of beauty and charm.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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