Spike Lee's Plans To Direct "Elric" Movies Create Controversy

Funny story written by Jerry Cornelium

Saturday, 19 February 2005


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Signed a multi-million dollar contract for Elric

NEW YORK --- Renowned African American filmmaker Spike Lee today announced he has signed a contract with Sony Pictures to direct six movies based on Michael Moorcock's Elric saga. The central hero of this psychologically complex series is Elric of Melnibone, an existentialist, angst-ridden albino sorcerer, whose black sword "Stormbringer" devours the souls of its victims.

Elric creator Michael Moorcock said he was very excited about the project and that he had no qualms about Lee, who has created a great deal amount of controversy during his career, shooting these movies.

"When Moebius, a Frenchman of all people, asked me if he could use my character Jerry Cornelius in his graphic novels, that was one of my proudest moments," he said. "Now Spike Lee, one of my most admired directors, wants to put Elric on celluloid. He should pick Julian Sands. Or Jeremy Irons. Or Denzel Washington."

Lee responded no casting decisions have yet been made.

Peater Jackson, who directed the monumental Lord of the Rings Trilogy, admitted to being "a bit jealous".

"I should have smelled a rat when he said he was busy with 25th Hour when everyone and their brother was trying to get the job for Tolkien or Harry Potter," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "I guess he outfoxed us all. But that's business."

Critic and long-time Spike Lee hater Stanley Couch accused Lee of using the Elric movies to further his alleged anti-Caucasian agenda.

"First of all, only middle-aged nerds still know who Elric is," Couch said. "So let me tell you all about these books. Here you have the decadent, impotent white guy whose only power, the power to live, comes from a demonic black sword. I don't have to tell you that the sword is a phallic symbol, do I? But the clincher is that the black sword enslaves his white master."

Lee said Couch's comments were "stupid and ignorant."

"I don't know what the man's obsession with black penises is. I think he needs some serious counseling," Lee said. "Elric is about the eternal struggle between law and chaos, fate and free will, the price of power. Not that sick, disgusting stuff Couch keeps babbling about."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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