Sarah Jessica Parker Launches Scent of a Woman Fragrance

Funny story written by Phil Maggitti

Thursday, 10 February 2005


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Sarah Jessica Parker Launches Scent of a Woman Fragrance
Another celebrity wants to get up your nose.

NEW YORK - Former "Sex and the City" star Sarah Jessica Parker has thrown her veteran pheromones into the celebrity perfume ring. Parker, 39, recently inked a seven-figure deal with Coty Inc. to develop Scent of a Woman fragrance.

"This will be a fragrance that evolves subtly, almost unnoticeably, like Sarah Jessica's nose," said Helen Mills, head of research and development at Coty. "At the same time it will be evocative enough to make a blind man see."

Parker promises that her fragrance will be sexy, "like the fragrance of a garment worn next to the skin." Perhaps somebody should tell her that the further a garment is worn from the skin, the better it is likely to smell. Otherwise Fruit of the Loom's Two Sets of Tennis body mist would be a top seller.

Talking to Interview by cell phone from the back of a limousine as she was being ferried from her personal trainer to her personal body waxer, Parker said she had been hesitant about launching a fragrance within a year of launching her Shine Like Mine hair care products and her Pucker Up lip gloss.

"I didn't want my fans to think I was just selling my name again," said Parker, who was last year's face of the Gap clothing chain and whose line of guilt-free frozen desserts hits the stores this summer.

Eventually Parker's sense of civic responsibility carried the day. "I have been invited into women's lives," she said, "and I take that seriously."

Women, it appears, don't take the invitation quite as seriously. They've issued similar invites to Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Beyoncé, Jessica Simpson, J. Lo, Celine Dion, and Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen-all of whom are loitering around the fragrance counter hoping to convince women that their lives could improve by a magnitude of ten if only they exuded notes of Tahitian vanilla, white chocolate, coconut cream, and honey when they rushed into the office after dropping one kid off at school and the other at day care.

Despite the competition, Parker waves off any suggestion that hers will be a me-too scent. "It won't be trashy, like Paris Hilton's Lickety Split toilet water; nor will it scream 'cheap,' like Jessica Simpson's Smells Like Teen Strumpet body gel. Mine is not a scent that will follow a guy home, borrow his razor, and then cling to his bedroom carpet for weeks. My fragrance will have social skills."

Before ringing off, Parker revealed that when she went to the hospital to give birth to her son two years ago, she brought her perfume into the delivery room. "Fragrance is such an important part of the daily routine," she said, "especially on days when you don't have time to shower."

According to Robert Downey Jr., with whom Parker lived for several years, those days occurred far too frequently. "She ought to call her ‘fragrance' Stench of a Woman," said Downey, whose own fragrance, Nose Candy, is set to debut April 1. "That chick had an approach-avoidance relationship with water."

In related news, Elizabeth Arden announced yesterday that Tickle Me Elmo, the new fragrance by child actress Dakota Fanning, 11, will be available at Toys R Us next month.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more