Written by KendoMonkey

Saturday, 21 June 2003

Somehow popular musical entertainer, Elton John, was today told to 'fuck off', by me.

In an interview with myself, I extolled my disgust that such a flagrant 'performer' with an average hit-ratio of 1 every 10 years (including 1 copied song) would be popular.

"I cannot believe how some people can become famous just by showing off. I mean, christ, if that guy was at school and he ponced around anywhere near like he does, he'd get the living-shit beaten out of him every day. And for good reason."

"Stand out from the crowd by all means. But do it by having an inch of talent, not by being the loudest person."

I then asked myself what I thought would be a 'penetrating' question, what do I think of Candle in the Wind? "Candle in the Wind was a travesty. He wrote that song for somebody else, someone he didn't know, a long time ago. You don't re-package sentiment, for God's sake! Just like you wouldn't send a love poem about someone that you'd written 5 years ago to someone you really loved. You'd be desecrating what that person means to you. I can't believe millions of people fell for it. Bloody morons."

But it's a nice song, though, isn't it?

"Sure, it's nice. But the point is that if he had the modicum of talent that people say he does then he surely could have written something just as powerful and something original for the person he felt was so special. By releasing that song he was saying: 'She's not special enough for me to waste my time'."

"So I say, Elton John - Fuck off."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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