American Upset by Real World

Funny story written by Rodd Justice

Friday, 5 April 2002

Traumatised American woman sues Terror Arafat on grounds that Palestinian terrorism causes her emotional distress when it is on the news. She claims that she developed "I'm a victim" syndrome by watching 72 days of rolling CNN coverage of the WTC attacks. It comes as Americans struggle to cope with exposure to real problems going on in the outside world.

"I'm a victim" syndrome has become a national crisis, and it is estimated that 50' of the population has suffered from the condition, which is caused by watching too many plane-on-building impacts on television.

One sufferer, Jimbo Stupido, of Albuquerque, once revelled in the fact that he had watched over 20,000 replays (6,000 slo-mo and 158 super-slo-mo) of he WTC plane impacts. Not any more: "I can't even watch an Arnold Schwarzeneggeggegggeegger film anymore without feeling queezy" he said, echoing a view shared by millions.

Recent suicide bombings in Israel are proving to be very traumatic for American news viewers. Many Americans have suffered from an overflow of information ("Info Rush") as a result of news programmes, many people claiming, "I only just found out that there was a Middle-East, and next thing I'm told that it's being blown up!"

On a positive note, the increased coverage of international news has given Americans a taste for exploration. Seaman Colombo Christo said, "as soon as I learned of this new world outside of this continent, I wanted to go there as soon as possible. Although I'm struggling to get funding for my great voyage."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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