......from the waist down says Ashley - Following his dumping Ashley Cole moaned about his ex today comparing their sex life to a lunar eclipse!
"Cheryl would've been happy doing it once every ten years and then in the dark," said Ash. He added "I had so much testosterone in my blood I thought I would burst. I tried to run it off on the field but it was no good, I just had to get me some punany"
Cheryl was not happy when she heard what he said. "Way aye the cheeky B*****d," she uttered in her Newcastle dialect. She went on to add, "He were always fondlin me norks and grindin me from behind when I was doin the washin up. He 'd shag anything tat moved or shag it til it did!"
Now it transpires that randy Ashley even tried to have it off with Cheza's Mum, who confessed, "Well one night I was almost asleep in me room and in crept Ashley. It's only a single bed so he tried to slip in but found it too much of a squeeze. He grabbed the head board and eventually gave it one final heave how and in he was. Oh my god I thought, it's been ages since anybody else was in here! I had to bite the pillow to remain calm. He's quite a big lad and so it was no surprise when he fell out. We ended up toping n tailing."
Ashley seems to be putting a brave face on it all saying "At least now I can sow my oats in any field I please." Look out Mr Bridge, Ashley's on the prowl.
