The Brit Awards were declared a disaster area last night after a teaboy lost the list of winners! The loss meant that the lists of nominees and actual winners for each award had to be made up on the spot in an attempt for the award ceremony to save face.
In a cringe-worthy festival of embarrassing lost-the-plot-ness, the Spice Girls were given an award for "Best performance", because a bumbling employee couldn't remember any other performance at the irrelevant back-yard award ceremony for the last 30 years.
Phil Collins achieved an erection for the first time since the invention of Viagra, after he was nominated for the "Best album of the last 30 years award". It was later revealed that a runner had been sent to a local record shop to find "any cheap British LPs" to decide who the other nominees would be.
The presence of Liam Gallagher at the ceremony ensured he was given an award. One Brit Awards committee member said, "I remember he was going to be given an award for 'biggest waste of space' but somehow after we lost the list he got the best album award."
Lady Gaga was prostituting herself outside the arena, and was dragged in for a surprise triple-award-win.
