Zane Lamprey -To "Stache" or Not To "Stache!"

Funny story written by C. Winget

Wednesday, 17 February 2010

That zany Zane is at it again. Facial hair or no facial hair he is beloved by drinkers everywhere. Zane Lamprey, comedian, show host and seasoned drinker on the popular cable show "Three Sheets," is enlisting the help of his followers to answer the following question: To shave, or not to shave?

So far the facial hair has been an issue for Zane. Touching him inappropriately at night, giving him misguided feeling of power, giving poor Pleepleus nightmares as he slumbers. As we await the verdict let us pray that Zane comes to his senses and kisses his "stache" good bye! If you keep it growing Zane, add some mutton chops to keep it company!

Here are a few useless factoids about mustaches:

The Moustache has a scrabble score of 16 while the common spelling Mustache only scores 15! (Remarkable comparing the number of listings of this spelling vs. the more common in usage mustache. I agree that it is so much cooler with the extra letter. But I can't really say why.)

The word "moustache" derives from 16th century French moustache, which in turn is derived from the Italian mostaccio (14th century), dialectal mustaccio (16th century), from Medieval Latin mustacium (8th century), Medieval Greek moustakion (attested in the 9th century), which ultimately originates as a diminutive of Hellenistic Greek mustax (mustak-) "moustache", probably derived from Hellenistic Greek mullon "lip".

Shaving with stone razors was technologically possible from Neolithic times but the oldest portrait showing a shaved man with a moustache is an ancient Iranian horseman from 300 BC!!!!!! CRAZY!

The longest recorded moustache belongs to Bajansinh Juwansinh Gurjar of Ahmedabad, India. It had not been cut for 22 years and was 12 feet, 6 inches long in 2004. (BEAT THAT ZANE!)

And finally! Movember (a portmanteau of the words 'Moustache' and 'November'), is an annual month-long event involving the growing of moustaches during the month of November. The event has been claimed to have been invented in 1999 by group of Australian men from Adelaide.

Since 2004, the Movember Foundation charity has run Movember events to raise awareness and funds for men's health issues, such as prostate cancer and depression, in Australia and New Zealand. In 2007, events were launched in Ireland, Canada, Spain, the United Kingdom and the United States. (WHO KNEW!)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more