NEW YORK CITY - Alec Baldwin, the star of 30 Rock, was rushed to Manhattan's Mickey Mantle Hospital, after allegedly swallowing a handful of Fred & Wilma Flintstone Vitamins.
Baldwin's semi-famous daughter Ireland, and her not-famous-at-all friend Scotland reportedly found Baldwin lying face down on the kitchen carpet with a #2 yellow pencil sticking out of is right ear, a Pilot Precise V5 RT Pen sticking out of his right nostril, and a (blank) sticking out of is (blank).
At first the two girls started laughing thinking that Baldwin was just doing his Richard Simmons imitations again. But when Scotland noticed the (blank) sticking out of his (blank) she knew that it was not just a prank, because she remembered once seeing her quasi-gay uncle Bibster looking the same way.
Ireland, who is named after the country, (duh) told Scotland, named after her aunt Scotland Hargreaves, that she was going to call 911. But she shouted out to Scotty that she could not remember the number. Scotland quickly told her 9-1-1.
Within eight minutes an ambulance arrived and transported the human pin cushion to the hospital.
Baldwin's stomach was pumped and a hospital spokesperson said that the contents of his stomach included half a Snickers Bar, three grapes, a Tic Tac, seven ounces of Southern Comfort, six Freds, and five Wilma's.
Dr. Amos Brandywild, who treated Baldwin, told the media that the actor would be released in two days. When told by Baldwin's assistant that he had to be in Los Angeles by 9 a.m. the next morning, Dr. Brandywild just grinned and remarked, "Well it looks like a standard case of 'tough titty, said the kitty,' cause he ain't leaving tomorrow."
Baldwin was given a sedative for his tremendous stress, anger, embarrassment, and overall basic stupidity.
In other news. The newest American Idol Judge Ellen DeGeneres stated that Simon is not the bad ass everyone thinks he is. She said that she saw him in his dressing room back stage and he was plucking his eyebrows, getting a spray on tan, and having a Brazilian Wax Job.
