HUNTINGTON, West Virginia - Comedian, and I use the word loosely, Andy Dick, has once again been arrested.
This time the twit was arrested at The Rumsfeld Rum Rumor Comedy Club for allegedly fondling the bartender, the club's bouncer, and himself.
Dick denies all three charges and says that the bartender, the bouncer, and he (Dick) are all lying and are nothing but big fat liars, except for himself (Dick) who is so skinny that a lot of people think that he is America's only anorexic male.
Someone pointed out that Woody Allen is also very skinny, but his agent attributes that to a 17-foot tapeworm that Woody has had ever since he was 14, 60 years ago.
Allen has repeatedly said that he has even named his tapeworm. He once told Ed Sullivan that he named his tapeworm Blondie, after his nickname for his one time BFF Marilyn Monroe.
The Jewish comedian also revealed to Barbara Walters that Blondie once bit him when he was eating a barbacoa taco in Gallup, New Mexico.
Meanwhile, back at the Huntington Police Headquarters, Andy Dick was photographed, finger printed, and had three complete body cavity searches.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: A spokesperson for the HPD noted that the first complete body cavity search was required by the HPD, but the second one and third one were requested by Andy "The Sick Puppy" Dick.]
When a spokesperson for the Huntington Police Department was asked how things are looking for Mr. Dick, he replied that they are not looking good at all.
The spokesperson Waldo Wafflebrewster, stated that one has to not lose sight of the fact that this is Huntington, West Virginia; and not Hollywood, California, where fondling bartenders, bouncers, and ones-self are looked on as fairly normal activities.
SIDENOTE: Andy Dick's lawyer, Bubby Fubblefite, has suggested to his client that he seriously needs to think about changing his last name. Fubblefite, added that with a last name like Dick, Andy is just going to continue to act like his last name.
Fubblefite has suggested that Andy change his last name to either Peter, Wiener, or Pee Pee, which do not carry anywhere near the same male sexual organ connotations as the name Dick does.
