Peaches Geldof Changes Name To John

Funny story written by Callum de Caestecker

Friday, 22 January 2010

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Celebrity daughter Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa Geldof has changed her name by deed poll to John.

Interviewed outside her flat in Shoreditch, Peaches claimed that the name change was due to the fact that boy's names "are, like, totally in right now."

She then added, "The whole one word name thing is totally something I've always wanted to do, you know? I mean I love Cher and, like, Prince, and I just felt like now was the right time to do it, you know? In this, like, current climate."

She also urged other females to follow her lead and claim male names for their own:

"Like, this whole girls having boys names thing is really taking off and redefining 2010, I think. It's going to be big. My friend just had a totally beautiful baby girl and she's named it Gavin. You'll be seeing a lot more of that over the next few months, trust me. I know that Emma Bunton is seriously considering changing her name to Toby."

"Like, it's not something I've just done really rashly or anything. I've been thinking about it for a couple of weeks. I was going to change my name to 'Fuck' first of all, just because I think, like, that's a word that really needs to be addressed, you know? And it's so, like, powerful. But John just felt right. I also really like Elton John," she said.

This is not the first time that Peaches has courted controversy. In 2008 she claimed that L. Ron Hubbard had spoken to her in a dream and told her to get a picture of Ant and Dec eating crisps while sitting on Pete Doherty, tattooed onto her midriff, which she subsequently did.

"Like, I think dreams are really important, you know? No matter how silly or, like, weird the dream may be there is always, like, a message there or something. The tattoo is just a reminder of that," she said at the time.

Peaches father, Bob Geldof, declined to comment on his daughter's name change but was heard wailing from as far away as Kent.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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