TOPEKA, Kansas - The Kansas State Legislature has voted to bar country singer LeAnn Rimes from ever entering the midwest state.
The governor of Kansas, Piffy Tiltenbrewster, 72, said that he had received thousands of emails and text messages telling him that the good citizens of the proudly plain state of Kansas did not want that Rimes woman to perform at Wichita's Annual Valentine's Day Whole Wheat Festival & Horseshoe Pitching Contest.
One of the strongest worded emails was received by the governor from a Mr. and Mrs. Homer Joe and Levellina Sue Cruncheroo, of Chanute, Kansas.
The Cruncheroo's, who say that they are church-goin' folks included about 46 cuss words in their email. They wrote that they had been married for 61 years and they had been totally and completely faithful to each other, even when Homer Joe was stationed in Montana during the Korean War.
Levellina Sue said that she had been reading in the National Enquirer about how 27-year-old Rimes had stolen another woman's husband.
She also read where Rimes had said that since she was a very famous country singer that she could pretty well take any woman's husband away by just simply winking, throwing him a kiss, and raising her skirt to show an expanse of thigh about two inches from her (blank).
Levellina Sue said that if she ever sees that little rice-eyed Rimes woman at a mall or at a Dairy Queen she will go up to her and throw some crushed Wheaties in her face.
In news coming out of North Korea. Kim Jong Il has revealed that he had planned on invading Italy on January 13, but changed his mind due to the sudden rice weevil infestation that has hit his country's military.
