X-Factor's Cheryl Cole Will Return, Dannii Minogue Will Be Gone

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 15 December 2009


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Simon Cowell has stated that he is negotiating with China to carry X-Factor from London next season.

LONDON - The producer of the extremely popular reality show X-Factor, Agustus Whittingstall, has released a statement that of the two female judges, the very pretty and sexy Cheryl Cole will be returning next season, but the very pretty and sexy Dannii Minogue will not.

Whittingstall stated that of course the show's owner Simon Cowell will be back as will the lovely but not sexy Louis Walsh.

Whittingstall remarked that he really hates to see Dannii go because the young lady is very good looking and she does have some beautiful legs which she is not shy about showing.

When he was asked why Miss Minogue would not be returning he replied that it was due to three reasons. Firstly, she wanted more money. Secondly, she said she was getting tired of Simon touching her legs underneath the table, and thirdly, she was getting tired of Louis touching her legs underneath the table as well.

Simon Cowell said that although the ratings for the entire season went through the roof, he has decided on two new additions for next season that he knows will get the show even bigger viewer numbers.

Cowell has been in negotiations with the Republic of China about the possibility of broadcasting the British show on national Chinese television. He pointed out that China has a population of 1.3 billion, whereas the United Kingdom has a population of 61 million.

He noted that China has 21 times more people. And he said that with the advertisers it is all about viewers which translates into high numbers, which translates into fabulously high revenue coming in.

The director of Chinese Television Jing Quang Bang Fu is very excited about the possibility of his country carrying X-Factor. He said that in a recent nation-wide survey of Chinese males between the ages of 16 and 97, 43 percent picked Cheryl Cole as the woman they would most like to see bending over in their Chinese garden.

Dannii Minogue received 37 percent. The rest of the percentage numbers were Eva Longoria-Parker, 9 percent; Kate Gosselin, 8 percent; and Lucy Liu, 3 percent.

The second change that Cowell will be implementing is that next season Cheryl, on top of wearing even shorter mini-dresses will also be appearing occasionally in a two-piece bikini swimsuit.

He remarked that at first Cheryl was a bit hesitant but once he informed her that if she agreed to his swimsuit idea he would raise her salary from £1.2 million [$1.95 million U.S.] to £1.8 million [$2.9 million U.S.]. Cheryl's eyes got the size of golf balls and she replied, "And what color swimsuits would my lord like for me to wear?"

In news coming out of South America. Reports from Brazil state that a category 5 hurricane has hit the mainland. Early reports are that there are billions of Brazil Nuts scattered all over the place.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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