PERUGIA, Italy - Convicted murderess Amanda Knox confided to one of her jail guards Benzo Benzatalini that she does not like being in jail because it is so damn boring. She also said that the stinking place is extremely scary.
Benzatalini, who last year was named 'Guard of The Year' by The Italian Guildo of Professional Guards, reportedly replied that he finds that hard to believe.
He asked her if she felt that way because the effen place smells like number 2 and number 1, or because it has rats the size of Dachshunds, or maybe because of the fact that the jail guards insist that the prisoners play spin the bottle with them every night at midnight.
Amanda replied that this jail is nothing like the jails she has seen on TV shows such as the one in Mayberry on the old Andy Griffith Show.
Benzatalini said that she just needs to give it one or two years and the place will grow on her. Amanda replied that, that is exactly what she is afraid of pointing to a cluster of dandelion weeds that were growing in the toilet of her jail cell.
Amanda noted that being incarcerated is so horrendously boring. She told Benzoito, that last night she found herself amusing herself by counting the freckles on her arms.
Benzatalini replied that a lot of the convicts do that at first, but they soon quit and move on to other hobbies.
Amanda asked such as what. Benzatalini smiled and said, "Oh little things like playing with the guards (blanks) and letting the guards play with the inmates' (blanks) and everybody just getting into one big happy circle and telling knock-knock jokes while completely naked.
Amanda asked if there was ever any sex involved. Benzatalini flashed a grin that made him look like the Castelvetrano cat that swallowed the Catanzaro canary and replied "Oh yes, and on a rather frequent basis I might add."
Benzatalini noticed that Mandy, as he calls her, made a dejected face. He reminded her that she is after all in a damn stinking jail, and not in Minneapolis shopping at the largest mall in the world for padded bras and crotchless panties.
In other unrelated news. Jenny Sanford, wife of Governor Mark Sanford, has filed for divorce on grounds that her husband was playing 'hide the salami' with an Argentinian floozie (puta). When Governor Sanford was asked to comment he replied that now he figures he'll just have to fly down to Argentina and pick him up the next new 'First Lady' of the great forgiving state of South Carolina.