(Defecated News) South Shield's very own Vicky Pollard failed to woo her most loyal of fans at a recent concert.
The event was held outside the South Shields Shellsuit Society building in front of over a dozen of her fans.
"Ah wuxx horpin t'gatha soom sapport followen ratha oonferr commets aboot me mah-min on stej", mumbled the pint-sized pop queen who once got done for beating up an African nightclub toilet assistant.
"Boot waat ended oop happanin was me fanz statted fahlin asleep, like. Ah divvent naa wass ganning oon.", she added.
Cheryl (who won this year's International Mime Award) has been working hard to regain some credibility amongst people who really know about music, rather than her fans - who only like her because they'd like to shoot their loads inside her, or look like her.