Jay Leno's Ratings Continue Slip-Sliding Downward

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

image for Jay Leno's Ratings Continue Slip-Sliding Downward
The Volkswagen Beetle that Jay Leno recently bought from Kanye West for $1,700.

CLEVELAND - NBC host of The Jay Leno Show, Jay Leno was in town hosting The Save Lake Erie From Going Dry Telethon.

Leno was asked how many automobiles he has now. And the man with the anabolic steroid-looking chin replied that he had about 200, including a green Volkswagen Beetle [shown at the right] that he just purchased from Kanye West, who needs money bad since in the past month he has only managed to sell a total of 14 CD's.

Jay was informed that the latest television ratings figures show that his show continues to attract less and less viewers. Leno, who lately has developed a very short fuse, replied that he stopped paying attention to figures when he got married.

He went on to say that it is simply a case of is the glass half empty or is it half full?

When asked to clarify his statement he said, "Okay, if you lead a horse to water and the damn horse does not drink, is it then your effen, friggin, mofoing fault?"

When told that the analogy did not make sense Leno exploded, "Look" he shouted, "I have never been good at monetary conversions, cake recipes, or mixed metaphors. But I do know that a lot of people are watching my show because everyday people tell me, 'hey Jay, bro, we be watching yo sho dude fashizzle we really be doin' it."

Leno grinned and added that it isn't just black people watching it either. He said that Hispanic people watch it to learn English. And that Native-Americans watch it to learn how the the M.F. ing white man just waltzed right in and stole his millions and millions of acres of land.

When Leno was asked about the fact that nine of his advertising sponsors are thinking of dropping out of his show, he replied that he had come to Cleveland to talk about saving Lake Erie from going dry and not to talk about advertising crap like freakin' feminine hygiene products and frackin' glow-in-the-dark condoms.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: This past Monday's ratings show that The Jay Leno Show again finished fourth this time behind CBS's CSI: Miami, ABC's Castle, and a Fox Special entitled, The Sleeping Habits of The Delaware Doodlebug.]

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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