HOLLYWOOD - The flu bug has hit the dancers on Dancing With The Stars, or at least the professional dancers.
Derek Hough who is partnered with Joanna Krupa and Mark Ballas who is partnered with Melissa Joan Hart both got the F bug. Ballas was still able to perform wearing a surgical mask, but Hough, with a fever of 104.2 was sent to the hospital in a fire truck.
British Judge Len Goodman said that he hadn't seen so many sick people since his wife's last birthday party. Bruno said that Derek and Mark had the 'swing flu.'
Carrie Ann Inaba kept putting on Purell Instant Hand Sanitizer on her hands and she sat by herself away from the judges table.
The studio's bathrooms all had yellow crime tape around them and contestants, judges, and the studio audience had to either hold it or else use the bathroom at the Jack-in-The-Box located across the street.
Since Derek could not perform, Maksim Chmerkovskiy filled in for him. And since Maks only had about nine minutes to rehearse with Joanna Krupa he stumbled and almost fell on the K girl.
When Goodman asked Maksim why he had stumbled during his "Whatever Lola Wants" number he blushed and said that it was because he was still thinking about the breakup with his fiancee, the fiery but cold-hearted bitch (her words) Karina Smirnoff (pronounced al-co-HOL).
During rehearsal Michael Irvin's partner, the Russian-born, extremely tall Anna Demidova told him that his bottom was too loose. She smiled and told him that he needed to put a nickel between his bu*t che*ks.
Irvin reached in his pocket, took out a nickel, and asked the cameraman to stop filming while he placed the nickel where the sun does not shine.
The ex-Dallas Cowboys receiver said that he kept the nickel in place throughout the rehearsal and the actual live performance.
After he finished dancing Michael gave the nickel to Bruno Tonioli. Bruno thanked him and told him that he was going to put the world's most famous nickel on eBay and he was going to take the money and buy Len some charm lessons.
Host Tom Bergeron missed a golden opportunity to have taken out his credit card and asked Irvin if he takes VISA.
SIDENOTE: Someone needs to tell the Dancing With The Stars British announcer that the name Argentine Tango is pronounced: Ar-gen-TEEN and not Ar-gen-TIND. Six times the blimey limey mispronounced the word. It's like someone mispronouncing Buckingham Palace by calling it Buckingpiss Palace.
Kelly Osbourne and her partner Louis Van Amstel danced to Ozzy Osbourne's hit song "Crazy Train." One of the audience members who was sitting behind the ex-lead singer for Black Sabbath said that Ozzy turned to Kelly's boyfriend and remarked that he really liked that song and who the effen hell was it by because he wanted to download it.
