Written by Skoob1999

Monday, 19 October 2009

image for The X-Factor - Cheryl And Whitney - The Truth Will Out
I Never Mime.

Unconvinced by events on Sunday's live X-Factor show, your favourite reporter decided to dig a little deeper and bring you the truth behind the glamour and glitz, whatever the cost.

Firstly, Cheryl Cole. Did she sing live?

Well, yes and no.

My technical correspondent in the know Johnny Tagnut told me:

"It's just my opinion, but she probably used a synclavier. It was well reported that she was nervous about performing live, and about not being as good as the people she was judging.

"A synclavier is a computer programmed sound system which 'fills in' with a prerecorded vocal if a performer falls short. Michael Jackson used this device. With Cheryl's performance, I'd say that the synclavier was more in play than she was. The voice you heard was hers, tweaked and enhanced by studio technicians, but essentially it was fake."

I then asked Tagnut if Whitney Houston had adopted the same tactic?

"Almost certainly. But it didn't really come into play. Apart from the strap disaster, Houston's performance was generally good. Having said that, given her well documented history with drug abuse, one can't help but wonder if she was off her face during the performance. But I can't really confirm that."

Post performance interviews with the soul Diva suggested that she wasn't quite playing with a full deck.

But to be honest, I don't really know. I'm slippery.

More as I get it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: X-Factor

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