One Show presenter Adrian Chiles was rushed to hospital this evening after suffering a complete personality breakdown.
The Brummie, the BBC's second highest-paid presenter (after J Ross) was at first suspected of having caught a severe case of Rabbit-in-the-headlights syndrome - a serious condition that can lead to extreme dullness and the inability to distinguish a too-tight shirt from a half-decent one.
At the Royal Baggies Hospital in West Bromwich a disgnosis of personality breakdown was quickly achieved thanks to the brand new £2 million CATDeeley Scanner, and Dr Kimi Raikonnen - a famous brain surgeon on secondment to the NHS from Finland - recommended an immediate full transplant if there was to be any hope of saving the presenter's career.
By a sheer stroke of luck, veteran entertainer Bruce Forsyth had collapsed on stage at the nearby Wolverhampton Apollo while attempting a strenuous Charleston and simultaneous ancient joke routine and his wife - a former Miss Caribbean Potato and the 1947 Miss World - gave permission for Brucie's fun-loving and quirky personality to be transplanted immediately to the stricken Chiles.
Dr Raikonnen said later that the operation had been a complete success and that it had been performed just in time as Chiles was in total charisma arrest when brought in.
Nurses leaving the intensive care unit told waiting reporters that Chiles was sitting up in bed reading a toupee catalogue and cracking hilarious music hall gags while tapping his feet against the end of the bed in time to the hospital radio top ten
His One Show co-presenter, Christine Blakely, arrived at the hospital this evening clutching a self-help guide to the autocue and carrying a basket which appeared to contain a number of small furry animals in a variety of colours. When asked for her reaction to the emergency she replied; "I'm definitely not shagging him, so there. But Brucie was a very attractive man so who knows what the future holds."
