Trouble on Mafia-Style Reality TV Show Set - Cameraman gets 'whacked'

Funny story written by Deanna Goodson

Friday, 23 July 2004

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Stereotypes are wrong.

"OMG, You'll just be reinforcing negative Italian stereotypes," screams one of the many Italians who are taking part in the GOOMBA Network's soon to be released reality TV sensation, Growing Up Italian but NOT in the Mafia.

"Yah, 'dis schlamoke ova dere tells Guiseppe that he thinks hiz wife is some hot piece of well, yah know. So, Giuseppe pulls out his gun. Then, everyone's yellin' and screamin'. God, it's so good to be home for a visit." Uncle Guido told this reporter.

When asked where he'd been, Uncle Guido said, "That information's on a need ta know basis and you, don't need ta know. Now lemme finish my story."

"Hey, whatsamattafoyou. They no want to reinforce negative Italian stereotypes on this show. Que fai, hah! If Joey went and whacked the camera guy, then everyone wud think that we was all violent and mob-like. This here ain't the Sopranos, people. So, instead of shooting him, Joey and da cameraguy played a game of bocce ball."

"Ayyyy, It's not anyone's fault if da guy got hit with the ball like yah know 85 times or anythin', right?" Another undisclosed gentleman said and told me not to ask about his business. He just said he was in construction. "I mean, I didn't see nuthin' but it coulda happened that way, right?"

Uncle Guido kissed my hand and said, "Scusa, miss, but I need to go eat my dinner. It's spaghetti night." He ran off. Suddenly, a nice little old lady told me to get my *ss into the dining room and mangia, or eat. She was called nonna. I ate spaghetti, meatballs and a sauce that you would kill or die for. It was so nice.

Then, there was bread, salad and wine 'cuz, "true Italians eat salad after they have their main course. It cleanses the palate so you can eat your dessert or drink more of Uncle Mario's homemade wine. It's so good, it's like vinegar." Nonna told me as I finished off my biscotti and coffee.

Finally, I got to ask the stars of the show why they decided to bring cameras into the house. They told me, "we felt it was time to bring to light the true existence of Italian - Americans. Not all of us are in the mafia. It's only some members of our famiglia. We aren't like the stereotypes you see in movies or on television. It's so unfair. Hey, can you wait a second, We have to go and talk to dis guy over here 'bout somethin'. We'll be right back to finish the interview."

I waited for a few hours and then, had to leave. I don't know what happened and I don't care. These are good, decent, hard-working people who have no affiliation with the Mafia-stereotypes and should be treated with the respeta they deserve. They remind me of my mom who was born in Terracina, Italy and her family. Just nice and emotional people. Viva Italia!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, watch the show and make your own judgments.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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