Katie Holmes Is Not Fighting Addiction!

Funny story written by Bureau

Tuesday, 11 August 2009

image for Katie Holmes Is Not Fighting Addiction!
Tom Goes Through Ten-Fifteen Couches A Year

Katie Holmes experiences her greatest joys from her husband Tom Cruise's fat uh..bank account while joking that she's a shopaholic!

The 30-year-old actress is in Adelaide, Australia, with Tom as she shoots her new movie Don't Be Afraid of the Dark. Those on the set call her a true acting professional.

But when the cameras stop rolling, Katie heads for the stores, anywhere in Australia with 3-year-old daughter Suri in tow.

"She loves to shop," stated Cruise. "She's in Melbourne right now looking for a kangaroo pouch made into a dress that she can carry Suri around in, she goes everywhere from the high-end shops on Chapel Street to the low-end stores like the Salvation Army. That woman can give a credit card a workout! We'll have to add more rooms to the house soon."

Since first hooking up with the wealthy Cruise in 2005, Katie's shop-until-you-flop forays have become the "stuff" of legend.

She once flew to Paris for dessert after having her main meal in Melbourne, according to the National Inquirer.

She reportedly blew through $500,000 on underwear from Lamar Flippy's in Beverly Hills in a single year, spent a jaw-dropping $17 million while living for six months in New York City last year, and earlier this spring spent some $63,000 for a makeover and spa treatments at Blackberry Farm in Townsend, Tennessee where she was frightened by a hairy local resident out picking berries, marijuana and dryland fish (mushrooms), which she thought to be a bear.

Husband Tom appears undisturbed by his wife's frenzied spending. The more she spends the more Tom reportedly jumps up and down on the couch, his way of getting rid of anger. However, the actor is said to be worth nearly $300 million.

A friend told The National Inquisitor: "His ex-wife Nicole Kidman could blow the cash but she did not have the actual addiction. So far as I know, not a single person in the world has the Cruise Couch Addiction. But he's getting mail from fans who have tried it and agree that it feels great, taking them back to the old "jumping on the bed" happiness as a kid."

While Katie's addiction apparently goes back to childhood getting accidentally locked up in a candy store and eating till she puked, then eating some more.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot