K-Fed's Feed Bag Fiasco

Funny story written by smurfette

Sunday, 9 August 2009

image for K-Fed's Feed Bag Fiasco
Federline before most recent weight gain

HOUSTON, TEXAS, USA Kevin Federline is facing numerous charges following an incident at a local dining establishment, the Awfull-Waffull Haus, which advertises an all-you-can-eat menu for $4.99. Federline's problems began when the management requested that he leave after he engaged in a marathon four-day nonstop eating binge and he refused, stating he was not full yet.

Awfull-Waffull Haus manager R.U. Dunn summoned the police and requested that trespass charges be filed against Federline; the responding officers demurred, however, they did inform Federline he could face charges of disturbing the peace if he did not immediately vacate the premises. Federline allegedly attempted to leave peacefully, but his huge girth brushed up against a female officer as he stomped off in a huff, knocking her completely through the pie case and causing her to discharge her service revolver into the buttocks of her partner.

Federline was arrested and charged with disturbing the peace, trespassing, defrauding an inn-keeper, assaulting an officer, obstructing justice, attempted murder, vandalism, and suspicion of terrorism.

An additional charge of possession of a firearm in a correctional facility was added after he told a guard at the Harris County Jail about the unloaded 9mm pistol he had concealed under his numerous, sweat soaked rolls of skin. Federline admitted having the gun at the county jail after several complaints of his foul odor from prisoners, guards and passing motorists compelled the warden to issue an order to force him to shower.

Fortunately, no one at the jail was in danger, because Federline had previously devoured the bullets, citing extreme hunger.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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