Marilyn Manson Denies J. Crew Shopping Spree

Funny story written by Human Jai Alaight Reel

Wednesday, 22 July 2009

In a statement released early Saturday, shock-rocker Marilyn Mason denied reports that he was seen purchasing "tasteful, understated garments" at a Los Angeles J. Crew clothing store last week.

Eyewitnesses told tabloid outlets that Manson, who once posed in make-up and an androgynous body suit for the cover of his "Mechanical Animals" album, was at J. Crew purchasing a pair of "simple khakis and a nice blue and white striped oxford" along with a "cashmere sweater vest that had a classy argyle pattern on the front."

The rocker, famous for such songs as "Angel with the Scabbed Wings," "Anti-Christ Superstar," and "Use Your Fist and Not Your Mouth," said "I vigorously deny these accounts placing me inside a J. Crew last week or, frankly, at any time prior. [Drummer] Ginger [Fish] got me a gift card to there once, but that was just a joke and I only used it to cut lines of cocaine that I subsequently snorted with a coterie of midget strippers dressed like Bettie Page, I swear. Even though I did see a pair of corduroys in their catalog once that I really liked."

Manson's denial was refuted by J. Crew employee Allison Bettancourt, who told reporters, "It was totally him. He wasn't wearing all that leather and PVC that he usually walks around in, but he still had that creepy gray contact in; he had a lot of questions about the upcoming fall line and wanted to know if we'd be doing a new rugby shirt. Oh, and he got a phone call and I'm pretty sure his ringtone was Josh Groban, but he answered it really fast like he was embarrassed."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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