News out of Purchase, New York is that a mystery cola, one of the top three colas in the world, is bringing out ten new flavored soft drinks with cans that show Michael Jackson with his head on fire.
"We've got something for every taste and every single can is a collector's item for Michael Jackson fans", stated Harley Dipstick, regional chairman. "Personally, I like the new "Tequila, Tequila" flavor because of the worm in the bottom of the can."
However, in a blind taste test, seven of the ten blind people say they like the new "Watermelon Rind Wine" as it has some extra sugar added to it's natural high fructose corn syrup but the "MSG But It's Good" came in second place.
Dipstick announced that it will be running a new infomercial with the taste tests from a crowd of complete strangers they will pull into the studio from off the street and pay them well to try.
"Then we'll kick her up a notch with a great new jingle and song featuring Adam Lambert in which his crotch catches on fire and some guys drinking "Percival's Plum Plonko" throw some on him and roll him up in a big rug. It's exciting!"
Ten percent of all income from purchases of colas will be sent to the "People Who's Heads Have Caught On Fire" charity!
