Adam Lambert, Carrie Prejean Catfight Turns Heads in Fashion Alley

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Sunday, 21 June 2009

image for Adam Lambert, Carrie Prejean Catfight Turns Heads in Fashion Alley
History Repeats Itself: Medieval ancestors of Prejean, Lambert having much the same argument.

SAN DIEGO, CA - Security guards at San Diego's popular Fashion Alley Shopping Mall had a tough time separating Carrie Prejean and Adam Lambert early Sunday afternoon when a verbal spat between the two became physical.

The outdoor food court of Fashion Alley quickly filled with spectators hoping to get a glimpse of the feuding Southern California icons.

"I was waiting to order, standing in line behind Adam," says one woman who witnessed the incident, "so I didn't recognize him at first, until she walks up to him and says, 'Faggot!' Then, he's all like, 'Judgemental bitch!' She goes, 'Jewboy!' and he's like, 'Crusader!' After that, things got a little blurry."

Not blurry as in she can't remember, she says. Blurry as in, the two attacked each other with such swiftness that it was difficult to see.

According to another witness, Prejean "roared" as she took to the air, flying at Lambert. Letting his numerous bags and boxes of purchases fall to the ground, she says, Lambert "got all fierce looking," then crouched and sprung himself, meeting Prejean in the air.

The two collided in a fury of scratches and slaps as a throng of people crowded around, making it difficult to catch the action from as near as about twenty feet, says a ten-year-old boy who scrambled on his hands and knees between everyone's legs to get a closer look.

When security guards finally managed to separate the winded pair several minutes later, now virtually shirtless Lambert was seen with a handful of Prejean's hair, cursing as he nursed the bump high on his cheek that was almost certainly going to make his eye go black before the day's end.

Prejean, makeup streaming down her sweaty face, still glaring at Lambert, could be seen clasping a handful of one of the security guard's hair, completely unaware that the guard was glaring at her from several yards away, wincing as he gingerly touched a bloody, naked patch on top of his head.

When cops arrived to arrest the two for disturbing the peace, Prejean bolted, making a run for the Riverwalk Golf Course, where she was intercepted after a few short minutes.

The two were taken to the San Diego Jail for a one night stay, which other inmates say won't be over soon enough, as the two haven't stopped bickering back and forth since their arrival.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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