Written by matwil

Saturday, 30 May 2009

image for Scamdog stars 'to get new homes'

The government of the EU state of Britannia has announced it will give new homes to the thirty-two stars of the Scamdog Millionaires film. The announcement creates the possibility that the 32 will own at least two flats each, plus many more for all of their relatives. On Thursday, Britannia director Gordhur Brana said a slush fund had been set up to buy more homes for the stars.

Two of the them, Hazala Bleari and Nikhan Kashmael, both lost their second homes this month when the Britannia authorities demolished their Izi Pickingz neighbourhood.

The Chief Minister of Westministan Province, Ali Starh Lyingh, said he had approved the transfer of more government appartments to the stars, to 'enable them to live a life of luxury'. But correspondents say their constituents won't be so lucky.

'Scamdog Millionaire has won massive publicity', Mr Lyingh said, 'we thought handing out more flats would honour the stars' ham acting, pretending to be innocent and ignorant of any wrong-doing. I'm surprised none of them has been nominated for Oscars yet.'

However, the daughter-in-law of Nikhan Kashmael, a cleaner at the Palace of Westministan, said the location of her new flat was perfect, as it was at least 300 miles away from the Palace. 'Mind you', she said, 'I could always travel on a Blears jet to work there every day, and claim it back on government expenses.'

Britannia director Mr Brana has been criticised for not helping the Scamdogs enough, but blamed the press for 'interfering with the normal lives of the stars, creating much poverty for them. Some of them have been reduced to living in only one home in the Province of West Kensingtai, others have become even desperate enough to resort to doing Adaiz Woork, a harsh traditional way of feeding yourself across Britannia.'

And another of the stars, Maharaja Morani, was seen in Kensingtai holding out a cup, asking for 'A penny for the dry rot, mate', while next to her co-star Jumilia Krishnirk had a sign up with 'Can you spare another two years' more free living at taxpayers' expense, if I get caught stealing, guv?'

Gordhur Brana's next film is planned to be 'The Great Escape (Part 2)'. In this, hundreds of thieves and fraudsters escape from the spotlights of media attention and the public gaze, and manage to get to safety in another place in Westministan, where they go back to an easy life of living off the government's generosity. For life. Especially if they can Speak.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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