Billy Bob Thornton breaks up with long term lover, his couch

Funny story written by Bluebella

Wednesday, 20 May 2009

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Cassie, who is brown leather, said Thornton occassionally made racist remarks as well as the weight jibes

Billy Bob Thornton, 54, has broken up with his long term lover, his couch - nicknamed "Cassie". Cassie the couch became famous in 2004, after the breakup of Thornton's marriage to Angelina Jolie. Thornton famously stated that even though Angelina was an attractive woman, he could have better sex with his couch.

Cassie the couch said at the time "I didn't know he had those feelings for me. I mean all we did was sit around and watch TV. If I had known he was sexually attracted to me I would have made a move a lot sooner."

Cassie and Thornton officially became a couple soon after the divorce was announced. They have been together ever since.

Recently Cassie has reportedly grown tired of Thornton and his lack of effort towards their relationship. "Nothing has changed in five years - we just sit around the lounge watching TV. Every time I ask to go anywhere with him, he just blows me off, saying I'm way too heavy to take anywhere. The weight jibes started to really get to me after awhile - I don't need people putting me down all the time. I have a lot to offer - comfy cushions, a fold out bed and twin recliners."

Cassie moved out of their 3 bed flat last weekend and has a new lease on life. "I found myself a family now, with pets even - my new family has even supplied me with a matching coffee table. I'm so happy. I don't need a man in my life, certainly not a no-good loser like Billy Bob Thornton!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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