Police today were urgently summoned to the Hollywood home of Tom Cruise to respond to a possible suicide attempt by the famed actor / director.
Reports say that Cruise, for years a devoted member to the church of Scientology, was busy watching some of his old family home videos, which featured some of his previous lovers such as Penelope Cruz and Nicole Kidman.
Apparently his current wife, actress Katie Holmes then entered the room, which enabled him, apparently for the first time ever, assess what he has lost, (being two of the most beautiful women on the planet), against what he has gained (A prettyish girls who was once kinda-alright-looking on Dawson's Creek, and has lost all sexual appeal as a result of a scientology diet) . Which is allegedly when the incident occurred.
Holmes, his wife placed the call to the police, who arrived on the scene, finding Cruise, standing tiptoe on his built-up shoes, banging his head against the wall, shouting, "You utter moronic imbecile! You daft lunatic bastard!"
Police are still trying to determine whether he was talking to the wall, or to himself, the latter seeming quite strange.
Cruise is currently recovering in the West Hollywood Municipal Hospital, the same hospital where wife Holmes is seeking pshyciatric help, trying to deal with the fact that the producers of Batman, the Dark Knight, replaced her with Maggie Gyllenhaal, who has the fashion sense of a deranged meerkat.
