Written by Earnest A. Peal

Sunday, 19 April 2009

image for Vote online for Susan Boyle or Shaheen Jafargholi
This image of a thumb will turn purple if you have voted for Susan Boyle sucessfully. If not purple, please try again.

With a click of the mouse you too can give your opinion about which of the favorites on the Britain's Got Talent television show will go on to the finals: Susan Boyle or Shaheen Jafargholi.

Susan Boyle is an unassuming middle-aged woman, apparently of good heart though hidden beneath a homely exterior. Her frizzy mop of hair and double chin hide the voice of a Broadway star in the making. She tends to choose show tunes that highlight her range and power.

Her fans have so far had the opportunity to hear her sing: I Dreamed a Dream, on BGT; You Will Stay in My Heart Forever, on Larry King Live; and Summertime, on the Oprah Winfrey show; as well as earlier recordings of Cry Me a River, Yellow Submarine, and Row Row Row your Boat.

Susan has selected Paul Potts' lucky song Nessun Dorma for her next performance, a controversial move that has set her at odds with her erstwhile mentor.

Susan's rival, Shaheen, wowed the audience on Saturday by singing Iranian folk songs in Farsi, Urdu and English while balancing five twirling plates and standing on stilts. The audience roared with applause when at the end of the performance he produced an apple and took several bites out of it while continuing his act without pause.

For a boy of his age, three plates is considered excellent and four is extremely rare. Shaheen is said to be working on incorporating a chainsaw into his act.

Shaheen's story of being sold to circus by his parents at an early age, only to be reclaimed at the age of eight is almost as moving as Susan's never having been kissed-except that Shaheen is very cute, which tends to lower the sympathy level considerably.

Please note if you have arrived here after voting: If the thumbprint is purple, your vote has been recorded for Shaheen, and you may not vote again. If not purple, your vote has been recorded for Susan, and you may vote again if you wish.

To vote for Shaheen, click here.
To vote for Susan Boyle, click here.

Note: Please confirm your choice, and remember-you may cast your non-binding vote as many times as you wish! If you vote a great many times, say perhaps 100 or 200 times, the judges may take your opinion into consideration.

See also: Simon Cowell nixes Christ on BGT

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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