Jade Goody the former human person from earth, has expressed her disappointment at the current furore dribbled out by the money-orientated press towards the voice of an angel and face of a grotesque nineteenth century Toby jug - Susan Boyle (methinks charientisms will be plentiful for this middle-aged songstress)
Goody 27, looked happy, but slightly disappointed as she read copies of the World's newspapers in heaven. Angel Goody said "People said they wouldn't forget me, they loved me and would build a wax-work of me and put it in Madame Toohard's and stuff. But I have now read they have built my likeness cut off the head and replaced it with the face of someone who looks like me granny after she forgot to take her HRT"
"I am beginning to think hysterical people who make capricious decisions on one's worth due to a headline or pot-boiling TV program do not make the most reliable fans"
The 'dead' careers of other hysterical media-made celebrities agreed " The public don't half talk shite" said the ghost of Michelle Mcmanus's career. The ghost of Maureen from 'Driving Schools' career concurred vehemently. 'While the public loves a odd-ball, our careers are normally as short-lived as a John Candy diet and exercise plan'.
Although she is clearly slipping away from the public's memory each time Susan Boyle opens her mouth and Paris Hilton or some other 'boozy floozy' opens their legs- Jade remained spirited.
"I'm not worried about my place in the history books. The public never forget people and hysteria is always a stable basis to build a career. Max Cliffhard told me that " beamed Jade the people's Princess - Well she is after : Princess Diana, Kerry Katonia, Lindsey Lohan , Miley Cyrus, Jordan, Posh Spice, Coleen, Fern Britton, Judy Finnigan, Jodie Marsh, Coleen Nolan, Chantelle, the cast of Loose Women, some birds from Big Bruvver, some blokes from the Salon, Some Totty from America's Top Model, Some mouthy piece fired by Alan Sugar or Donald Trump, Peter Kaye's Fictional reality personae Geraldine McQueen, The transexual prostitute that could play the piano in the reality program about London I have sadly forgotten her name- although everyone loved her at the time and any other people who will be be hysterically catapulted into the spotlight for the purposes of selling papers and generating futile public opinion.
Rik Waller's dead career who sadly went to hell was less optimistic "The public have had more fatties, odd balls, old balls, nutters and boot-faces presented to them. They simply have no memory, so are perpetually excited a bit like a slow witted puppy, constantly chasing his tail" said the bitter albeit wise dead career. The real-life Rik Waller is currently performing in clubs during the week and is a working man's club on alternate Sundays, had this warning for Susan Boyle " I am a former People's Princess, but has she or anybody else ever heard of me? In fact I am so unknown I have often mistaken myself for the fat guy from Iroish film 'The Commitments"
A spokesman from the waxwork museum said "It is common practice to remove the heads of less popular stars from dummies and replace them with the current public sensations, Susan Boyle has two things over Jade Goody" said the twelve year old Media and PR Manager "She has some tangible talent and she is not dead. Jade knew the score when she popped her clogs. Gawd rest her soul"