The Vagina Travelogues: Travelling on and on! Big openings for Ulrika Johnson and Sharon Osbourne

Written by bonzodog64

Wednesday, 8 April 2009


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Sharon Osborne takes to the road this week for some wry and amusing anecdotes about her "lady garden" together with the reminiscences of her contemporaries private places. "The Vagina Travelogues" is a more mobile and dynamic version of the "Vagina Monologues" that includes a motel franchise in which future contributors or girls in general can find relief and inspiration away from the "rat up a drainpipe race".

Virginia Plain at "Dikes on Bikes", the lesbian health and fitness group welcomed the development as a, "further step toward dismantling the Phallo- centric patriarchal elite". Unfortunately, the single vagina could not shut up long enough to warrant a single "speaker" occupying a ninety minute opening, or slot.

It's hard work for an audience to listen to a rather embarrassing "C"- list celebrity ranting on relentlessly about their muff! You have to sit there and listen to someone like Germaine Greer carping on about the seismic implications of her chuff's history and antics until the "beef curtains" come down.

The plan is to move the performance venue and hosts to make it more interesting. Possibly, with a big bunch of cunts on stage all at once.

Jacqui Smith, the UK Home Secretary has expressed interest. Her husband claimed, "How will it work? All her vagina ever says to me is "no"!

Interest also recently pulled out of Ulrika Johnson and took up a new opening leaving Ulrika at something of a leaking watershed in her career.

The male version of Vagina Monologues: "A load of bollocks" has proven to be far more resilient and popular than it s more recent, female counterpart. Men, the length and breadth of England can be heard reciting its script day and night.In this production , men recount how they willfully get themselves in some "tight spots" as opposed to avoiding them.

A typical man claims, "I have watched a "load of Bollocks" at least ten times and can confidently claim that I have learnt absolutely nothing. When I look at all the mistakes I have made in my life I feel confident to be able to repeat them all again tomorrow".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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