George Clooney takes a break from Darfur to reengage his old arch nemesis, the paparazzi; claims to have new evidence they were in the grassy knoll

Funny story written by Robert W. Armijo

Thursday, 22 November 2007

image for George Clooney takes a break from Darfur to reengage his old arch nemesis, the paparazzi; claims to have new evidence they were in the grassy knoll
George Clooney comes face-to-face with his old arch nemesis, the paparazzi

Hollywood, California - Falling just short of comparing the paparazzi to the terrorizing Janjaweed that conduct ruthless murderous raids on refugee camps filled with women and children in Darfur, George Clooney once again reengaged his arch nemesis, the paparazzi. Last time they battled was when the paparazzi were blamed for the death of the Princess Diana in a traffic accident in a French underpass.

Taking center stage back then, he successfully drew attention away from the tragedy of Lady Di's death, shining the media spotlight onto himself instead.

"It was considered a feat of unprecedented coattail riding never before witnessed or attempted since by any movie star," said Brad Hacky, spokesman for the American Association of Publicists. "It remains to this day, the all time media coupd'etat."

Up until that time, people were unaware of the dark side of the paparazzi, assuming them to be merely overpaid photographers out to satisfy the public's insatiable appetite for images of the new religious icons in a society increasingly devoid of any real substance.

Of course, Clooney's anti-media tirade had the unforeseen consequences of galvanizing the conservatives' anti-liberal biased mantra, launching their own private war against the media.

However, due to Clooney's exceptional talent of rushing to judgment, and removing the proverbial straw from his bother's eye, while failing to remove the rafter from his own ilk, he is single-handedly once again leading the way in his latest personal crusade against the paparazzi.

"It's not about shooting pictures - it's about the risks they're taking and driving with reckless abandon," said Clooney on the topic in a TV interview yesterday.

According to Clooney, it is the sober driving practices of the paparazzi that are placing the public in danger and not that of intoxicated spoiled brat movie starlets. All of which have been tried, convicted and sentenced for their highway antics.

Yet, Clooney fails to acknowledge those facts and instead uses the reckless driving of Britney of her running a red as an actual example of danger the paparazzi present to the public.

"You look at the footage of Britney running the red light: there are eight guys with cameras at night in the middle of the street," said Clooney to the Hollywood magazine, Entertainment Tonight.

Clooney then asked that lights be dimmed in the press conference room held at the Beverly Hills Hilton Hotel.

As a giant projector screen came down on the stage where Clooney sat, the footage of the 1963 John F. Kennedy assignation began to roll.

Using a laser pointer, Clooney pointed to the screen while narrating the famous Abraham Zapruder film.

"As you can see," came Clooney's voice over the grainy scratchy color film. "There are paparazzi in the grassy knoll. Right there, behind the fence. Can you see them?"

Clooney then asked the lights to be turned back up.

"So you see," said Clooney. "The paparazzi are dangerous and must be stopped at all costs."

Clooney then introduced his anti-paparazzi law that he drafted all by himself and plans to officially introduce it to the California legislator with the backing former Hollywood actor, now governor of California, Arnold Schwarznegger.

"If my bill passes," said Clooney. "The streets will once again be safe for celebrities like me to violate the laws without having to worry about any evidence gathered by nosey paparazzi surfacing in any courtroom to be used against us in any criminal or civil proceeding."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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