Britney's Freemason Ties Exposed in Tell-All Book

Funny story written by Fortey

Thursday, 22 November 2007

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Spears' most shocking revelations are yet to come.

Britney Spears' first husband, Jason Allen Alexander, has just published a stunning tell-all novel about the pop princess turned Poppin' Fresh Dough Girl that reveals a myriad of stunning secrets about the star, including her ties to the secret Freemason's society.

In the book, Alexander explains that Spears is an integral member of the society and their most valued field agent. Through a series of incidents almost Machiavellian in their intricacies, Spears has allowed her brothers to maneuver themselves into positions of great power around the globe.

A passage in the book dealing with Spears' recent balding adventure reveals this:

Few media outlets took the time to scan the news wire for real stories in the ensuring days or they would have maybe devoted more time to murder of Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper and his replacement with a fairly crafty robot of Swiss/Guatemalan design. The fact that he routinely wanders the halls of Canadian Parliament whistling Oops, I Did it Again has roused the suspicions of no one.

Other claims made in the book point out that Spears' album release dates often coincide with elections in countries of known interest to the Freemasons, possessing large quantities of gold, coffee, transsexual erotica or nutmeg, and that each of the last 15 times when Spears was caught driving with a child on her lap, in the trunk or in the glove box of her car, gas prices increased by as much as 40 cents a gallon.

Perhaps most stunning of all is the link, described in gory details with three pie charts and a graph, between the decline in Spears' attractiveness and the decline in the US dollar.

Though Alexander refuses to name a number of his sources, he does provide grainy night vision footage taken with a home video recorder of Spears and Paris Hilton engaging in slow, lazy coitus with presidential hopeful Fred Thompson.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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