Winehouse tour manager quits amid passive crack smoke complaint

Funny story written by queen mudder

Friday, 16 November 2007

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Winehouse's skagmobile "a danger to life and limb" according to the roadies

Birmingham - (Powerlessness Mess): Too many crack cocaine fumes in Amy Winehouse's touring bus have been blamed on her manager Thom Stone quitting just days after the start of her UK sell-out tour.

"My lungs just gave out," Stone said today, "and the docs said it could be worse than asbestoses.

"I very nearly got busted for driving under the influence. Then the cops said install air conditioning or go to jail.

"But after a few weeks even the new air con system clapped out. When they changed the filters there was enough Class A residue to stone an elephant.

"Every day it's always the same old thing.

"Five bongs of Afghani black before breakfast. Then a dozen rocks of crack followed by a bit of chasing the dragon.

"Last year the bus nearly blew up when Amy lit up at Scratchwood Service Station and the smack fumes started mixing with Super Shell Unleaded.

"Working for Amy and her crackhead husband is a danger to life and limb. And I don't just mean that GBH stuff in the Macbeth Pub this year."

Tonight's Glasgow show is scheduled to go on despite a rapidly depleting crew and skagged-out Winehouse barely able to crawl onto stage let alone find the microphone.

Blake Fielder-Civil is in the detox wing of HMP Belmarsh.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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