New Liquor by Amy Winehouse Hits Shelves, Walls

Funny story written by tva

Sunday, 7 October 2007

image for New Liquor by Amy Winehouse Hits Shelves, Walls
The world through Amy's eyes

London, UK - Adding to the long line of celebrities that have lent their name to a food or refreshment product, Amy Winehouse's new line of bourbon was introduced yesterday at a gala in London's west end.

Consumers have been able to purchase wines produced by the likes of comedian Dan Aykroyd, golfer Mike Weir, and hockey great Wayne Gretzky. Now, a line of Tennessee whisky will be available to the consuming public that comes from the heart of jazz great Amy Winehouse. The idea for the whisky was the brainchild of Winehouse's road manager Nevil Shales. Said Shales, the idea for a Winehouse liquor came to him on a recent tour.

"I was called to the back of the van by Amy a couple of days before we pulled into New York City", said Shales in an interview. "She seemed a little distraught. I asked her what the matter was, and she mentioned that she was out of bourbon. When I let her know that we were out of not only whisky, but also beer, rum, rye, as well as completely cleaned out of fortified wine. We had even been out of malt liquor for the entire run through Illinois. She then threw an empty Jack Daniels bottle at me and asked 'What do you expect me to do, then? Make my own?' I awoke with a bump on my head from the bottle and in the duration of my black-out, I thought to myself, 'Why don't we make one with Amy in mind?'" He then set to work on creating the new bourbon "Airborne".

Susan Michaelson, Director of New Product at United Distillers, is pleased to be working with Winehouse on this venture. "We are proud to be associated by such renowned consumers such as Ms. Winehouse and hope this to be the first in many ventures with her."

Winehouse appeared at the product launch perspiring and looking slightly discombobulated. To mark the official launch of the whisky, Winehouse took to the podium following Michaelson's opening remarks. She then launched into a litany of profanities, picked up and launched a display bottle of "Airborne" at the gathered press, and staggered to the ladies room where she locked herself in a stall and made herself unavailable for comment.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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