Residents of the sleepy little town of Mayberry, North Carolina didn't know what hit them after a rash of multi-syllable words swept through their town yesterday. Language analysts and detectives say that the words were traced to middle school students who brought them home from school. The words were assigned as vocabulary terms by their teacher and implacable satirist, King David.
David usually assigns his classes 10 new vocabulary terms each week to learn and manipulate before the test which he gives the following week.
At the top of their vocabulary list this week was four-syllable word and Spoof favorite, conurbation. The word which Daniel Webster defines as "an extremely large, densely populated urban area, or complex of suburbs and smaller towns together with a large city at their center" was misconstrued by parents after their children got home to mean masturbation and caused a gallant uproar resulting in a furious and premature witch hunt for the satirist.
The satirist/English teacher was reported to have used the word in the following sentence as an example for the class: "I don't understand why there is so much conurbation outside my window."
Fury was compounded after the satirist asked the children to draw pictures illustrating the meaning of the word.
"It's a technique I use for the kinesthetic learners," David said. "In this system, they are the ones who are devalued most frequently. Why not give them a hand?"
Other multi-syllabic words assigned for the week were:
constipation, (noun) the inability to talk, express emotion or have a bowel movement
alienation, (noun) when a nation has become so classicist and socially stratified that it no longer has a middle class and the poor become terminally marginalized
genetic conundrums, what your children are after you have married your sister
masticating cows, cows that masticate incessantly
incompassionateness, being callus, flying the rebel flag, or belonging to the KKK
indistinguishable, not wanting to stand out in any way, part of the crowd
interdenominational, being eclectic in one's views of religion
unintelligible, not capable of being understood because of that "chaw" of tobacco in your mouth
subterranean, beneath the surface, part of the title of a famous Bob Dylan song
lackadaisically asleep, asleep but giving the appearance of being awake
incontinent, incapable of holding back
conscientious, with a lot of thought and great care towards other people especially of other ethnicities
disinterestedness, almost asleep
internationalization, entertaining thoughts about anybody who does not live in the same county as you do
naturalization, living in the South all your life
inspissate, taking a piss after eating
conundrum, a puzzle for geneticists