Halloween horror mystery as Ramones' manager found dead in NY apartment

Funny story written by queen mudder

Thursday, 1 November 2007

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Mystery surrounds Stein's Halloween death horror

Fifth Avenue, NYC - (Suspicious Mess): Mystery surrounds an early Halloween horror in New York's swanky Fifth Avenue as Linda Stein, co-manager of the legendary punk rock band The Ramones, was found bludgeoned to death in her apartment on Tuesday.

There were no signs of a break-in or robbery according to NYPD reports and no other suspicious circumstances.

"But some no-good punk might be responsible," a police source claimed today, "'cos we can't see this as a deliberate case of self-inflicted suicide."

Stein is remembered with fondness in the UK for having brought The Ramones to England for their notorious July 4, 1976 debut gig at The Roundhouse in Camden Town.

A music industry source in London told reporters today of his memories of her pioneering music career:

"The Ramones played an astonishing 20 numbers in 45 minutes before storming off the stage and straight down to the Whorely Arms in nearby Camden Lock, a pub much favored these days by Kate Moss, Pete Doherty and all the usual local suspects," Dave Snort of AC/DC Management said.

"There they met up with the support act that night - San Francisco's Flamin' Groovies, and proceeded to drink the pub's cellars dry in fifteen mintes flat as a precursor to moving on to other local pleasures," Snort continued.

"Then they hoovered up all the available cocaine in North London, mainlined three kilos of premium grade heroin and freebased their way from the Public Bar to the Saloon where they smoked enough skunk to keep the entire Rastafarian population of Brixton very happy for a fortnight.

"Fifty surviving North London hookers still remember the night with awe although much of the detail has been lost to hazy nostalgia," Snort said.

"Linda Stein then walked into the pub's hospitality suite where Johnny Ramone, Dee Dee and Joey were having an attack of the munchies.

"As the lads tucked in to a feast of doner and shish kebabs from Chalk Farm's Achilles Heel Cafe and ice cream from the legendary Marine Ices, Stein admonished the band for walking out before playing the obligatory encore.

"But the musicians were too smashed to take much notice and eventually crashed out in the Whorely's Presidential (sic) Suite.

"Not to be defeated the stalwart Stein returned around noon with a team of personal heavies, a posse of lawyers and a copy of the band's contract.

"Within minutes she got the feckless bonviveurs on their feet and frogmarched them across the road to Dingwalls - Camden Town's then top rock venue.

"And using her enormous powers of persuasion got The Ramones to sober up just enough to play the legendary July 5th follow-up gig, so some fans got the encore they missed the previous night. Magic."

Meanwhile at an Arts Council meeting in London tonight the management committee has voted overwhelmingly to erect a Blue Plaque to commemorate Stein's act of sheer heroism in insisting on the second gig.

"We're gutted at the news from NYC today."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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