Furious stars were reaching for their "talc and shampoo" as the PM announced that the "peoples favorite" boozer would be the Baby Shamples front man Peter Doherty.
Amongst the dissenting voices, heard over the last orders shouts at the "Boat Man's Arms" in Camden, was Amy, "where's my pint", Winehouse. She claimed to have pissed herself more often, spewed up more expensive dinners, and lost more days than anyone she knows.
Also on the list of rotten shoed and rusty zipped stars incandescing with rage was cheeky footballer Gazer. Shouting, as he was bundled into the back of a police van in Whitley Bay, Gazza said: "That Doherty's shite man! I'se piss mores than he's canny sup - man!"
A spokesman, from their Thames embankment head quarters, for the association of English Off license drinkers told us, "All us piss smelling street boozers round here love Pete".
Pete has been recently seen out with Rock Wild Girl Courtney Love at a swanky West end spot. The weather spoons pub, an insider told us, rose to its feet while Pete was unaware feeding 50p's into the fruit machine, there was a standing ovation as Pete drank an offering from the manager's special of the day, drip tray cocktail augmented with a splash of vodka.
A close friend texted us, "Pete's notorious and famed love affair with the botanical wonderments of the world is legendary but is secondary to his unending love of the grape and grain".