Harry Potter committs suicide in final chapter of last book

Written by queen mudder

Thursday, 12 July 2007

image for Harry Potter committs suicide in final chapter of last book
Harry: a thousand million billlion specs of dust re-incarnate as fairies

London - (Rioters): Sources close to publisher Bloomsbury have conceded today that the rumor that children's storybook hero Harry Potter commits suicide in the final paragraph of the seventh book "The Deathly Shallows" is true.

A preview of the last chapter finds Potter accidentally blowing himself up with a rejuvenating potion that would have given him immortality until all his enemies are vanquished on Earth.

A terrible miscalculation about the proportions of magical liquids needed to formulate the elixir is blamed on contamination by evil forces seeded by Lord Voldemort.

The explosion tears Harry into a thousand million billion specs of dust which then re-incarnate as eternal elves, fairies, imps and pixies.

These then join hands before soaring off into the sky like a flock of birds and encircle Earth in a protective irridescent rainbos ring that magically freezes out the harmful rays of Voldemort's evil still pulsating on the planet's crust.

And the foul archvillain's dastardly spell of menace is broken for ever.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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