Los Angeles - (Totally Daft Heiress Press): Paris Hilton is to tell Larry King about the hellish sham of her alcohol-dependent life in a TV interview this Wednesday.
The 26 year old is due for imminent release from Lynwood Jail where she has been monitored for every conceivable neurosis, psychosis and toxic syndrome except alcohol-related hubris in the face of LAPD traffic cops.
"Being just a lush is kinda unfashionable," Hilton told visitors the other day.
"I like to think my attention deficit syndrome and a complex personality make me sorta different. You know - rich, blonde, beautiful, sophisticated and hard to categorise.
"But it really ain't all my fault, it's just my body's different, allergic to booze.
"And all those sickos fascinated by failure just want me to drink, drink, drink. Each time I stop it just makes me crazy.
"Maybe I was born with a cocaine. Who knows?"
Medical sources at the LA jail facility where Paris spent seven days under constant observation were ambivalent today about the real issues facing Paris:
"Sure, Hilton probably has a problem with alcohol.
"But worse still it may be alcohol that's got the problem with Hilton.
"Take away the substance abuse, the porno videos, the exhibitionist streak, the fake blonde hair extensions and the heaps of money - what do ya have?
"Only as sick as your secrets is what we tell these Princess Babies in the slammer."