Number of Pretentious Articles about Sgt Pepper Pass Record Sales

Funny story written by TedG63

Thursday, 14 June 2007

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It was just a pop record

As of this morning the number of pretentious articles written in the last month about "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" has surpassed the amount of units the classic album has sold in the past 40 years.

In the article that pushed the written word past the sung word, Hugh Fallutin, of the Pompous Daily wrote, "Sgt. Pepper's was the affirmation of the confluence of generational dissent inspired by an architectural revolution with ties to Keats and Shakespeare."

Reached at his home at the corporate office of Starbucks where he is currently living with his girlfriend, Bethany Hamilton, the 16 year old girl who lost her arm to a shark in 2003, the limbless lover Paul McCartney said of Fallutin's comment: "What the bloody hell does that mean?

"It was just a pop record," McCartney, who last wrote a song that did not make ears bleed 34 years ago, said. "We needed money, we all had big drug habits, as is reflected in the music. Really, I mean, what a drag."

Richard Buzzkill of "The Overly Indulgent Moderator" wrote: "Sgt. Pepper, the name itself, showed England's lust for taste, not bland salt, but pepper, representing lust, the juices of life, but, still lonely, with all our technology, still in our flats, alone, disconnected, with hearts, still able to love, hoping for a band to join us."

"Oh for heaven's sake it was just a frickin name John came up with when he was high on peyote," McCartney said.

Precious Onion of the "Overly Written Monthly" stated that the songs were "a frozen moment of a country reawakening from the dark night of war, with help from their friends, who make them better, fix holes in the yard, go kite flying, leave home, get a parking ticket, and in the ultimate irony, get killed in a car accident pushing that awakening back into darkness, it is the life of the butterfly, so beautiful, until it is swatted from the sky."

McCartney, returning to the interview after getting a long desired good stubbing said: "Look, 'Little Help From My Friends' it was about drugs, we needed drugs to make the record because none of us could stand one another; 'Lucy in the Sky?' John's song. None of us knew what the hell John was talking about. 'Fixing a Hole' I had drainage problems and writer's block, I wrote about correcting it; next door a girl left home, her parents were bitching about it, I wrote down what they said. Walked to the studio, saw a sign about a benefit for Mr. Kite, said good morning to Rita the Meter Maid Ringo was shagging, and then John sang 'A Day in the Life' for us. I said great at least this turkey will have one good song. Oh, and 'When I'm 64?' was actually some notes I had made on my retirement plan which we mistakenly recorded while we were stoned. God, if I knew we would still be talking about that fricking record when I was 64 I never would have wrote it."

When told of McCartney's comments Flemish Pekingese of the Manchester Drone said: "So like Sir Paul to minimize the poetic episodic nave's tail that enchanted us for generations as a touchstone to our collective Rubber Soul's."

When contacted at his home in London Ringo Starr said. "Oh yes, Rubber Soul, good album that."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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