Written by SpaceElevator

Friday, 1 June 2007

image for Quarantined man identified as Elton John

Atlanta, Georgia - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) today identified the man with a rare form of tuberculosis as Sir Elton John. He was first diagnosed with an especially-virulent form of the disease prior to his birthday celebration at Madison Square Garden in March 2007, and he has apologized to anyone who he may have accidentally infected since that time.

Despite a global alert by health authorities to be on the lookout for him over the past two months, the 60-year-old entertainer continued to travel extensively on his world tour. The investigation now focuses on where the breakdown occurred that allowed Mr. John to travel internationally then reenter the United States numerous times.

Major John Thomas, spokesman for the Department of Homeland Security, described the previous two months as a series of near-misses:

"We were less than ten minutes away from intercepting Elton on at least five different occasions. Initial reports suggest border agents stopped him, but then allowed him to go because the name on the list read 'John Elton' and he was actually traveling under the name 'Reginald Kenneth Dwight'."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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