Written by David Anderson-son

Friday, 1 June 2007

image for Keith Richards takes over James Bond role from Daniel Craig

London - In a stunning announcement, MGM studios and Albert Broccoli jointly named Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones as the new James Bond, effectively replacing Daniel Craig, who last starred in the biggest Bond blockbuster ever, "Casino Royale."

This announcement comes in the wake of Richards' highly acclaimed performance in the summer blockbuster, "Pirates of the Carribean" where he plays the role of Teague Sparrow, Jack Sparrow's father.

"We just feel that Mr. Richards could add a new dimension to the Bond character---no offense to Mr. Craig, who played the part of a young Bond to perfection," Mr. Broccoli announced.

The new Bond film, tentatively titled "You Can't Kill Me If You Tried Hard, Twice" will depict an aging James Bond who is struggling with his fame and fortune, alcoholism, drug use, and developing a penchant for loud rock and roll music. The plot also focuses heavily on a romance between Bond and M (to be reprised by Judi Dench).

Richards is said to be "elated" by the announcement, and is "heavily looking forward" to "getting in shape" for the role. His initial plans, focused towards weight lifting and spending hours in the gym to muscle up for the role, have changed as he learned of the plot.

"Me needs not to do anything at all," says Richards with a whiskey throated laugh. "Just be me-self, is all." Broccoli also noted that along with the role, Richards has a "free hand" in choosing the sponsors of the movie franchise.

Insiders say that Richards is moving to replace Aston Martin with Harley-Davidson as his official vehicle, and is leaning towards a corn-cob pipe (unbranded) as his favorite "gagdet" of choice instead of Omega watches.

Most intriguing of all is Richards' said choice of drink. Instead of Vodka Martini, shaken not stirred, Richards is said to be lobbying for a cocktail of Coke, Jack Daniels and Rebel Yell whiskey, "bottoms up!", to be called "Bond's Bomb," though this has yet to be confirmed.

Johnny Depp is slated to make a small appearance in the movie as Bond's son with M. The son's role, small yet pivotal, revolves around his angst and frustration over not having received attention from Bond Sr. as a child.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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