Nostradamus Predicted Sanjaya Malakar American Idol Winner!

Funny story written by Shirley Knott

Sunday, 1 April 2007

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Famed Nostradamus scholar, Dr. Bernard Woolybottom, has revealed that Nostradamus predicted Sanjaya Malakar as the winner of American Idol 2007.

Woolybottom discovered --in conjunction with his intense study of the prophecies of Nostradamus-- that Sanjaya Malakar is directly mentioned in Century X, Quatrain 28 (C10Q28) of Nostradamus' prophecies.

"It was quite by accident that I spotted the connection," Dr. Woolybottom said of his recent discovery. "But I have now reviewed C10Q28 from every possible angle, and Nostradamus definitely predicted that Sanjaya will be this year's American Idol victor."

Sanjaya, the emerging Tween pop sensation of American Idol, continues to reign as audience favorite despite growing suspicion that his popularity is due to willful voter manipulation, lack of viewer music appreciation skills, or a combination of both.

But Woolybottom insists that no matter what the reason, "Nostradamus has again got it right."

C10Q28 reads as follows.

"Second and third which make prime music
By the King to be sublimated in honor:
Through the fat and the thin almost emaciated,
By the false report of Venus to be debased."

Woolybottom explained that the first line, "Second and third which make prime music," refers to the fact that "the best vocals on American Idol 2007 will belong to the contestants winning 2nd and 3rd place."

"'By the King to be sublimated in honor' is a direct reference to Simon Cowell, the 'King' of American Idol," said Woolybottom. "He is desperately trying to transform the musical energy associated with Sanjaya into a socially acceptable sound."

As for the third line of the quatrain, Woolybottom explained "'the fat and the thin almost emaciated' represent Chris Sligh and Paula Abdul, a Yin and Yang representation of the ongoing battle between corpulent and anorexic musical traditions."

Lastly, Woolybottom stated that the quatrain's fourth line "By the false report of Venus to be debased," speaks of Sanjaya's "confirmed lack of talent, something not to be worshipped, and his false victory on American Idol will prove to be the downfall of the show."

Woolybottom is currently at work on his sixteenth book about the prophecies of Nostradamus. Due out in the summer of 2008, its tentative title is Nosty and Me.


Shirley Knott reporting from London.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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