WEST MONROE, Louisiana – (Satire News) – The Epitome Television Network has just purchased the rights to "Duck Dynasty," and production has already started on the new “Duck Dynasty Back A Quackin’”.
The producers, Archie Quachita and Boudreau Tintalli, say that the new show, unlike the old one, is going to be full of lots of dangerous adventures and high-falutin’ drama.
In the season’s premier, the patriarch, Phil Robertson, and his Uncle Si track down a 12-foot alligator that has been making off with some of the family’s pet ducks.
The nephew and uncle are seen paddling up a bayou, when, suddenly, the gator jumps out of the swamp water, and onto the boat, causing Phil and Si to jump out of the boat and into the swamp water.
In the second episode, the family matriarch, Miss Kay, fries up a batch of crawfish that turn out to be infested with oil from an Exxon oil spill, causing 8 of the 9 family members to high-tail it to the nearest 24-hour emergency clinic.
In the third episode, Willie, who is one of Phil's three sons, gets his ZZ Top-looking beard caught in a gator trap and nearly ends up losing one of his ears, one of his thumbs, and one of his testicles.
Luckily for him, his cousin, Elvira Evangelina, is studying to be a nurse, and she acts quickly and gives his ear, his thumb, and his testicle CPR.
