Howard Stern Commits Suicide by Marriage

Written by Buck E Filbert

Wednesday, 14 February 2007

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Stern, Ostrosky hitched

Howard Stern, the original shock jock, movie star, best selling author and self proclaimed King of All Media, announced his engagement to supermodel Beth Ostrosky Valentines Day.

Ostrosky accepted the proposal despite the fact Stern is currently under the microscope by investigators in relation to the recent suspicious death of Anna Nicole Smith.

Detectives suspect Stern is muddying the waters by marrying Ostrosky so soon after Anna's death.

Stern threw his sperm into the Dannielynn father bio pool recently claiming to be the sire of Anna's daughter.

Stern can look forward to many years of celibacy as Beth will undoubtedly cut off sex little by little as time progresses.

Stern and Ostrosky will register at the, Ball and Chain, Adult Superstore and Novelty shop.

Stern insiders have already established a divorce pool with Stern employees giving the marriage anywhere from 6 months to two years.

Many Stern lovers were devastated by the news thinking they were #1 in Howard's heart. Among the people heartbroken, Sal the Stockbroker.

This romantic gesture has compromised many men across America making them look bad in comparison on the romance thoughtful scale.

One radio expert speculated that Stern has alienated himself from many of his subscribers by making them look bad in front of their girlfriends. The repercussions could be a loss in subscribers.


From the desk of
Buck E Filbert
Feb 14 2007

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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